Nine at the Eve of the Event!

(gp: January 31, 2010)

It's the evening before the start of the Great Gnome-out, and things are literally "a buzz" here on the ice. Gnome watchers, contestants and judges alike were startled this evening when with a sound like de-accelerating jet engines, a new gnome swooped in for a landing leaving a trail of melted ice behind him.

Concerned watchers rushed the ice in the confusion of this new high-speed arrival wanting to know if everything was all right and who this rather daring gnome might be. After event officials cleared the ice, it was clear that more than just one arrival had occurred in the confusion when the head count tallied nine heads! (or hats, or sort of heads...)

Now in the dark, confused officials are scrambling to set up lights, identify the newcomers and get them officially entered in the contest.

Continue to follow this column the next couple of days folks: we've got a lot of gnomes to meet!

Gerald Putzny for Gnome Press International

A few things you didn't hear about

By Victoria Dickenson - Gnational Enquire Investigative reporter

The Great Gnome-out, like many other public events controlled by an inbred committee, often does not allow the real truth out about the real events going on behind the events that they want the public to be brainwashed into thinking are the whole wholesome story.

The insipid used dishrag called the Gnome Press Internal reported earlier today that the crowd noticed that there was a new contestant this morning. Truth is that the contest has been there for days, and the "committee" just woke up enough to realize it. This reporter met and talked with Zwiebell (which means "onion" in German) earlier this week (as you can see in this fine picture of Zweibell and I), well before the committee decided to balk at the German Gnome's entry with his snowman.

What was also not told was the tragic story of Zweibell's arrival in the United States.

Mistaken as yet another pawn shop curio while they were touring London, England on holiday, Zweibell and his snowman were "bought" and pocketed by an ignorant tourist as a souvenir and immediately taken aboard an international flight to Boston, Massachusetts.

Upon reaching Logan Airport, Zwiebell's snowman secured their release by expeditiously chewing his way out of the pocket and taking Zweibell with him. Working their way through the feet forest of the custom's line, Zweibell and snowman found themselves in the main concourse of Logan: friendless and only speaking German.

Fortunately, our heroes are both resourceful and at that time not without resources. Waving a sheaf of 100 Euro bills, they attracted the attention of members of the Toumpas family who happened to be passing by on their way back from a spa vacation in the Swiss Alps. Multi-lingual and world savvy, the Toumpas's took the wayward Gnome and his trusty friend under their wings (so to speak).

Safely at the Toumpas household in New Hapshire, and while pursuing Internet searches in German, Zweilbell came upon the mention of the Great Gnome-out happening just a town over from the Toumpas's. This sparked Zweibell's interest and hopes of winning the contest. Although the grand prize has not been announced, Zweibell hopes for enough cash in winnings to pay for tickets back to his beloved Germany, as apparently he and snowman no longer have enough cash to pay for their tickets back. (Interestingly, this shortage of cash appears to have started at Logan airport.)

The second half of this story centers around the lack of security Zweibell and the Toumpas family found at the Great Gnome-out event location at the Grizwald residence.

Being Gnomish. Zweibell certainly had the means to sneak out onto the ice without any of the human guards or the trained attack dogs being aware. What happened instead was that the entire Toumpas family along with Zweibell and snowman literally waltzed pass the guards and wandered out onto the ice unchallenged. Indeed, the event committee, judges, homeowners and any other human in a position of responsibility were absent. It is questionable whether the guards were even present.

The only opposition to free reign of the property came from the attack dog, such as it was and once he was woken up. It does need to be pointed out that intense licking and tailwagging are not often taken as threatening gestures.

Without a doubt, we are sure that our readership is as shocked as we were to find the lack of apparent care for the safety of the Gnomes out on the ice and the sucess of an event that could easily be tampered with.

Aside from the excuses of the event committee; "The event doesn't start for several days", and the comments of Bob Grizwald the homeowner; "You go try and move one of those Gnomes that don't want to be moved. You'll pull back a bloody stump where your hand was", this event is at risk.

More Contestant Controversy!

(gp: January 29, 2010)

Yet more controversy out on the pond of the Great Gnome-out!



This morning the crowds all identified that we had a potential 5th contestant out on the ice. As this reporter and the Great Gnome-out event officials approached, we realized that there was something amiss with this very, very small entrant.

Apparently the somewhat Santa-looking gnome, who has identified himself as Zwielbell is astride a rather duck looking entity who Zwielbell identifies as his "snowman".

The event Judges became considerably concerned with this pair. Per the Great Gnome-out rules, Zwielbell cannot be mounted on his snowman / duck and be a legal contestant. The two were encouraged to come inside for discussions of legalities. Our photographer was able to get a shot of the pair up close during this time.

The Great Gnome-out Rules state: "Spacing between participants must be maintained as a minimum of 24”, and must be directly on the ice. Intermediate objects (ex: snow piles, boards, sleds, pontoon boats, etc.) cannot be used. " In this case the snowman / duck could be considered and intermediate object.

In addition the rules state: "Participants are encouraged to be 6” in height or length as a minimum, and cannot be naturally floating (ex: inflatable, made of Styrofoam, wood, or wearing water wings). " Duckysnowman "(as he is now dubbed) could potentially be a floatation device.

This last point is not firm in this case. Duckysnowman proved that he was neither wood or Styrofoam after he bit a judge that was prodding him to check what he was made off.

After a protracted discussion, the judges rulled that Zwielbell could NOT participate per the rules. As the crowd reacted volubly to this announcement, the Judges went on to say that Duckysnowman, however, could participate as there is nothing against carrying things on your back.


In this photo, Victoria Dickenson (also famously known as Vickie Dickie of the tabloid Gnational Enquire) is seen congratulating the pair on their entrance to the event.

In other news, several of the media helicopters covering the event have reported being harassed in the air by an unidentified object, some to the point of needing to land due to turbulence.




Gerald Putzny for Gnome Press International.

Re- Freeze and another contestant?

(gp: January 29, 2010)

A quick update from the Great Gnome-out to settle all your nerves. Fortunately, all our contestants have survived the torential downpours and unseasonably warm weather earlier in the week, and thanks to the single digit weather, are again confortably (?) back on solid ice.

Much to everyone's suprise, we appear to have another contestant on the ice. More on this as we get a chance to interview this new entitity.

Gerald Putzny for Gnome Press International.

Rain!

(gp: January 25, 2010)

After much rain and very unseasonably warm weather (52 Fahrenheit!) there is a lot of water moving through the Great Gnome-out's playing field (pond). An early headcount (6:00 pm) showed all the contestants present and accounted for, but concerns are high about the overnight as the temperature is supposed to stay above freezing and the rain to continue.

The rules committee has confirmed that as the official start is still 5 days away, that the contestants can save themselves and re-position before or after the re-freeze due with the single digit temperatures returning later in the week.

Stand by for further news tomorrow in the light of the day...

Gerald Putzney - Gnome Press International.

Four up!

(gp: January 24, 2010)

It's been a busy day on the ice!

Our 4th contestant has shown up, and apparently from a long way.

Creating a bit of a challenge, Ganeppy the Gnome arrived speaking Spanish to our Gnomish Translators, causing a bit of a scramble to find a local translator. Ganeppy hails from our first off-continent site of Guaynabo, Puerto Rico.

Ganeppy, pictured here with his lucky mushroom and a bag of mangoes, has a rather wistful, possibly forlorn expression most of the time. Perhaps this is due to the first time he's ever seen snow, much less endured temperatures reaching single digits while standing on ice.

Our newest contestant has even more challenges ahead. At only around 7 inches tall, or smallest contestant so far, Ganeppy has the real possibility of being lost in the first snow storm until spring thaw.

Ganeppy also caused an additional stir, arriving with his pet ducky. Apparently named "Mi Perro", the Great Gnome out officials were sent scrambling to try figure out whether the (apparently somewhat rubber) ducky could be allowed to stay with Ganeppy.

In unprecedented mixed decision, the matter went to vote, and resulted in a tie:

3 for the fact that the ducky was a flotation device, therefore not allowed

3 for the fact that the ducky was plainly food, and thusly allowed.

For the moment the ducky remains with his Gnome, pending further investigation and due to the fact the Spanish translator got bored and left during the voting and nobody could explain what was going on to the bewildered Gnome.

Ganeppy is out on the ice this afternoon as daylight wains.

Gerald Putzny - Gnome Press International

Beneath the ice: tension at the Gnome-out

By Victoria Dickenson - Gnational Enquire Investigative reporter

As the excitement builds at the event known as the Great Gnome-out, Gnational Enquirer has come on the scene to find that there are darker currents beneath the smooth ice.

Homeowner Bob Grizwald and his wife are the hosts for this year's event as everyone knows. But what isn't well known, and certainly isn't publicized by that insipid rag that sucks up to the Gnomish world, the Gnome Press International, is that Mr. Grizwald appears to be slightly deranged and is possibly intending harm to one of the contestants.

"I'm looking at that .. that 'Pissbucket' or whatever they think his name is. He looks a lot like the gnome that was living in my garage for for the past year, terrorizing my family. If I figure out that they're the really the same gnome, he'll be seeing the bottom of the pond sooner than spring" said Bob Grizwald.

Mr. Grizwald contends, and Mrs. Grizwald confirms to a lesser degree, that a wild gnome moved into their garage workshop at the beginning of last year. The gnome committed multiple acts of vandalism and Mr. Grizwald contends that it attempted violence on Grizwald when he tried to chase it away.

"The thing had made a nest out of a pile wood scraps, even using my power tools to finish it. When I went to root it out, it came after me with my chainsaw! We've only been able to use the garage by ducking in and grabbing what we need when it was asleep. Haven't been able to park the car in there. Don't know what he'd do with that."

Grizwald pointed to a pile of wood scraps and multiple discarded large cans. "He drank all my paint thinner and turpentine too"

This this kind of raw emotion, it is apparent to this trained reporter's eye that there is a strong possibility of violence here.

"Fancy new clothes or not, these two look too similar, and the fact that he was the first to arrive makes me highly suspicious. I'll take him out if it's really him. I've got a picture of him I got a one point early on. Even then he gave me the finger."

We've included pictures of the two gnomes. You make the judgement - Truth, psychotic raving of a man pushed too far by a gnome, so simply another fame seeker looking for the limelight at the expense of an innocent gnome?