At Home with the Grizwalds

gp: March 9, 2010

Meet the Grizwalds - The GPI interview.

Sometimes seen, rarely reported, but always behind the scenes, Annette and Bob Grizwald, the hosts for this year's Great Gnome-out are the proverbial glue that holds the ice together and the oil that floats on it.

Gnome Press International reporter Gerald Putzny got a rare chance to spend some time chatting with the Grizwalds amid the excitement of the Great Gnome-out

Gerald Putzney: Thanks for taking the time to let our readers get to know you better.
Annette Grizwald: Y' welcome.
Bob Grizwald: Want another beer?

GP: I'm good, thanks. Can you tell me why you folks volunteered to host this year's Great Gnome-out?
AG: The little buggers are cute. I got a bunch of my own, but they didn't want to come out of the shed in the cold. Maybe some'll stay afterwards.
BG: God, I hope not. For me, I just wanted to see them go down when the ice melts. Besides, the extra cash the committee paid didn't hurt either.

GP: Has running the Great Gnome-out put a burden on you?
AG: The people ringing the doorbell at all hours, hanging out on the porch, leaving their beer cans and pizza boxes.
BG: ... That was my band buddies.
AG: Well, the protesters.
BG: (laughs) Yeah - they've slowed down a bit after Annette shoveled horse crap on them that one time.
AG: It's what they wanted...
BG: Though I was mad about you throwing my favorite sneakers.
AG: Those rotten pieces of s___, that you'd never get rid of?
BG: (pauses) Ahh... sure. And you shot at some of them too.
AG: Only the old guy who got your sneakers then came back and said his Gnomes wouldn't take them because they smelled some kind of bad. He was tryin' to return them, so I shot at him a couple of times to chase him off.
BG: Did he leave the sneakers?
AG: (sighs) Yes.
BG: Excellent!
AG: Don't bother. I tied the laces together and whipped them up around the power lines. They're still up there.
BG: No wonder it took five days for the line crews to get us power back after the storm.

GP: So who do you like in the contest so far?
BG: I'll tell you who I don't like! I still think that Pissbucket...
GP: Ptthbshurtmmmm?
BG: Whatever. That thing is dangerous.

GP: I read the interview you did where you said you thought it was some other Gnome that had been in your garage...

-- Ten minute break --

GP: All settled down are we?

AG: He's O.K. now.

BG (fumes visibly, but does not reply)

GP: Let's change the subject for a bit then. Is it true there is only one guard dog for the event, and he's deaf?

AG: Our cats are much more territorial. And dangerous.

GP: How about the dog?

AG: What?

GP: The dog...

AG: What?

GP: ... Ah. Deaf as a stone.

AG: What?

GP: Indeed.

BG: (mumbles) Get another beer...

GP: So we never learned who you think is going to win.

AG: Well, I like the frog thing. It's got a nice sunshade in that flower, and a nice wide butt.

BG: (mumbles) Not the only thing around here with an ice cold wide butt.

AG: WHAT?

BG: Rut! The frog isn't in much of a rut. And the rest of them. Now. Ice melt spots. Divots. They're ruts you know.

GP: So Mr. Grizwald, who do you think will win.

BG: Well, I have to be careful you know. A person.. err... people in our position, the missus and me, we have to be careful cause we could alter the flow of events of the Event here, if you know what I mean.

GP: No, I'm not sure. What do you mean?

BG: Well, there is betting going on - strictly legal an all - friendly side bets. Like for beers and stuff.

GP: The Great Gnome-out committee expressly forbids gambling on the results and the activities of the Contest.

BG: Yeah, yeah, sure. Nothing major. Like that. But they do have a line running on it in Vegas now. The Frog's a strong favorite. Mushroom boy's at 3 ta 1.

--Two Minute Break--

BG: Yeah, I'll keep my mouth shut

AG: Idiot

GP: Is there anything else your folks would like to talk about on the Great Gnome-out?

AG: The poor Gnomes that have been lost so far. So courageous.

BG: Yeah. Like that Military one that was always harassing the other ones. The one's that gone missing.

GP: Buzz Fly-boy.

BG: Yeah, Him. That crazy other reporter's been hanging around whining about his being missing. Causing a big racket trying get get somebody to go look in the woods for him.

GP: (with some distaste) Victoria Dickenson

BG: Yeah, that pink haired little thing. They call her Vickie Dickie.

GP: Yes.

BG: Anyway, she's been a real pest recently. Wanted me to take the dog into the woods to hunt for him. Didn't catch on that the only thing the dog can find these days is tennis balls and places to piss on.

--Thirty second break --

GP: You were talking about Ms. Dickenson?

BG: (with side glance to his wife) Yeah.

GP: Why shouldn't she want to look for Mr. Fly-boy? Sounds like a noble thing to do. He doesn't appear to have gone through the ice or fallen into the water.

BG: Well, its a bit odd.

GP: Odd?

BG: All the carrying on.

GP: How so?

BG: Well, it's not like I'm a prude or anything.

GP: I don't understand.

BG: Look. He was a big strapping war hero type.

GP: I suppose so.

BG: And she's this little pink mop haired thing.

GP: Yes, she's small.

BG: Well. She's small. And not a Gnome.

GP: ?

AG: I don't like where you're going with this...

BG: (winces). Well, it's like she could be something else.

GP: Something else?

BG: Like, well, something not pretty.

GP: And?

BG: Like she's a troll or something.

GP: And?

BG: I'm not a prude.

GP: Meaning?

BG: Well you know.

GP: Know what?

BG. A Troll. And a Gnome. She's obviously got this thing about Fly-boy.

--Five Minute break--

BG: I was just saying it ain't natural!

-- Three Minute Break --

AG: Bob had to step out for a few minutes.

GP: Mrs. Grizwald, it's been a please chatting with you. And your husband.

AG: Thanks Mr. Putzney. We're always here.

Gerald Putzney for Gnome Press International