A Winner!

gp: March 16, 2010

The Great Gnome-out 2010 is over!

Clinging on to the last moments as the tiny remaining ice island was pulled into the falls, DuckySnowman has been declared the Official Winner of the 2010 Great Gnome-out!

Catapulted into fame as the companion of Zweilbell the Gnome, DuckySnowman became the designated Contestant of the pair when a contest ruling judgement pointed to the "lower half" of the pair as the real Event competitor. Fans will remember the riveting tale of how Zweilbell and DuckySnowman came to America mistaken as a souvenir from Germany via London, England, and the succor that was given the pair by the New Hampshire based Toumpas Family.


This win is especially interesting as the pair were once declared lost by the Great Gnome-out Executive Judgement Panel when they were burried in the snow and ice and not seen for almost a month.

The Official "Gnome-out" was declared at 5:37am today.

The sad part of the tale is that our winner, like many of our brave contestants, is lost. Search teams are already combing the shores attempting to locate the pair and any other surviving contestants. Presentation of the winning trophy is being held until the pair can be located or they come forward.

On a positive note, one successful rescue has already taken place: Gnappey, our Puerto Rican Gnome and the Great Gnome-out runner up has been recovered. Gnappey was recovered substantially down stream from the Grizwald Pond. Still sporting his favorite mushroom, Gnappey is water logged but hale. He is however, despondent over the loss of Ducky, his small yellow companion who is likely making his way on a long journey of the ponds and streams issuing from the Grizwald Pond.

Ptthbshurtmmmm, sighted earlier at the water's edge has disappeared. Whether this Gnome recovered and made his own way from the Grizwald Pond, or whether someone assisted him is not known.

Hail DuckySnowman!

Gerald Putzny for Gnome Press International

All But Two!

gp: March 15, 2010

It wasn't supposed to be this quick!

Absolute carnage at the hands of Mother nature has dominated the past 3 days at the Great Gnome-out, and from it, we have our last two on the ice!

In the last 24 hours, huge amounts of ice has melted under the onslaught of weather staying about freezing at night, 40-50's F during the day, extensive rain, and huge amounts of water moving through the Grizwald Pond.

Currently the free-floating ice island is only about 20' in diameter - at least a three times loss in size in a 24 hour period.

"Doesn't usually go that fast", said hostess Annette Grizwald. "It's early too - mid-March. Wacky weather".

Speaking of loss -

Many of the Gnomes and Garden creatures are currently unaccounted for. Sitting (or lying) solidly on ice yesterday, Sir Humphrey, Ribbit, Jakemily Emiljaky, Snail and Grummpy Chato are now all gone to the rushing waters. Ptthbshurtmmmm was found unresponsive on the pond's shore.

With that group missing, Buzz Flyboy in the hands of Terrorists, and Gnub gone missing earlier, who's still there?
Surprise! The small guys are finishing last! Despite disappearing for great lengths of time under snow and ice, and in one case, being declared lost, small has pulled through.

Ganeppy has reunited with his Ducky (who floats anyway) and both are in a puddle in the middle of the last ice.

Zweibell and his riding companion Duckysnowman have definitely reappeared, and have a commanding location on solid ice.

The game, now international in flavor as Puerto Rico takes on Germany, is still on!

Gerald Putzny for Gnome Press International.

*&&*^(^&^^%$%^###

Holy Crap. Apparently the GFBI (Gnome Federal Bureau of Investigation? -- Do they have to copy everything we humans do??) has had my wife, the event judges, the obnoxious pink haired litle Troll reporter and other other tall bearded reporter all stashed at some off-the-way interogation center. In upper Maine some where.

Now they're all out and they're a callin' and screeching at me to get updates on the ice. And the ice. And the Gnomes. And bunches of stuff about terrorist plots. Makes no sense, but they're all going on and on.

Here's an update for ya: It's melting. Fast. They all gonna die soon - hehe.

Since they wanted a picture, I took a few. Here's the only in focus one.

Yep, that's a lot of water where the ice was.

Still the same gnomes as this mornin' out there, but not fer long.

Reporter Bob Grizwald, at yer service!

What the heck is going on?

I woke up this morning and nobody's here. My wife's missing, so are all those judges and meddlin' reporters. I may have slept a bit late afta a brew or two, an' it looks like we lost power for a while in last night's blow, but it's weird that no ones here. Well, the critters are all out on the pond 'cept that Gnub Gnome, who's gone into the water that's raging all around cause of the storm like. And that Airforce Gnomes still missin' of course.

Still raining to beat the band, an' the ice has broken free and is floating all round the pond now. Gettin's smaller fast too. Ain't gonna belong b4 all them Gnomies are swimming...

Weather Update!

March 13, 2010; 6:50pm


"The National Weather Service has issued a flood watch for southern New Hampshire and portions of Massachusetts from this evening through Monday morning.

According to the NWS, the coming storm will bring heavy, long-duration rain, the largest such event since the spring of 2006.

Three to as much as 6 inches of wind-swept rain is forecast along the New Hampshire-Mass. border, with 2 to 4 inches falling further north."

http://www.unionleader.com/article.aspx?articleId=cf883f52-de27-4e0b-8d18-52e17d225aa8&headline=Round+2%3a+Nor%27easter+to+bring+wind%2c+rain%2c+outages+and+flooding

Bob Grizwald: "This aughta finish all them buggers off!"

Gnome-out Terrorist Kidnapping!

Buzz Fly-boy Kidnapped By Jihadist Terroist Group - The Gnational Equire Investigative Report!


By Victoria Dickenson - Gnational Enquire Investigative reporter




The offices of the Gnational Equire, and indeed the entire Gnoming Community were stunned - STUNNED! - today by the finding of a picture and a ransom demand note for Buzz Fly-boy, the Gnome Air force Representative to the Great Gnome-out cruelly attached to the wall of the Grizwald's residence - hosts of this year's Great Gnome-out.

















In the picture left behind, a Gnome, that we can only presume to be Buzz by his apparel, is heavily restrained while flanked by Jihadist guards wearing turbans. How cruelly they have bound poor Buzz, and only the most evil of Gnomes would blind fold their captive with duct tape. All that facial hair!

The Terrorists have identified themselves as the "Pan Gnom Jihad Army Resistance" in the Ransom Note. After talking to all my political

connections (numerous as they are!), it still seems that we know NOTHING about this group in the Gnoming world.

The Ransom Note for our poor Buzz was pinned to the wall of the Grizwald house with great malice with Gardening Shears to make sure we take this message as SERIOUSLY as it is

The message, pictured here in my Photo, reads like this:

"We have Fly Boy
We are the Gnom Jihad Army Resistance
Deliver to us the Plans
or you will never
see fly Boy again
We will contact you
with directions"

WOW. But I have to ask myself, as you, my readers must be asking yourselves -What Plans are worth the life of Fly-boy??


As I write this, the first representatives of the GFBI have begun arriving to the scene, and they have taken possession of both the Picture and the Ransom note. It is unclear what they intend to do.

I am posting this story quickly as they are hearding us all into the Grizwald's living room and I am s

Resurrection and approaching death on the ice!

gp: March 13, 2010

The Ice giveth back, but the water closes in.

Mother nature can be cruel.

With the ongoing weather of low 50's F during the day all this week, the ice pack on the Grizwald Pond continues shrink. Water is almost completely around the edges of the pond and is fully crossing the back of the pond where the main current is.

Mother Nature can also be helpful.

One of our Contestants, Ganeppy, has resurfaced miraculously from the ice's cold clutches. Today's Contestant check positively confirmed Ganeppy's visible presence on the ice, although still partially encased in it's frozen embrace.

"Yeah. Look at that. One of the little buggers is gettin' spit back out" responded an enthusiastic Bob Grizwald who made the initial discovery while sitting on Great Gnome-out's viewing stand and enjoying the first beer of the morning. Given the color of his eyes and general appearance, it was a miracle that Bob could focus enough to see the ice much less the diminutive Gnome.

In a potentially more amazing recovery, rumours are that companion of Zweibell from Germany - Duckysnowman - has been sighted. The yet to be confirmed rumours are that the pair are currently upside down or close to it so only Duckysnowman's white underside is showing, making it very hard for clear identification against the glare of the ice. If Duckysnowman's presence can be verified, the ruling of the Great Gnome-out's judging committee that the pair - or at least Duckysnowman- were lost will have to be reversed.

But again, Mother Nature can be cruel.

As reported earlier, the water continues to close in on Gnub, our Sailor Gnome. Observation has the open water flow across the back of the pond only inches away from Gnub. Worse, it is obvious that the ice under Gnub is thinning.

With today's weather report calling for temperatures in the 40's, and for a rain-based Nor'easter with wind and rain to hit tonight, Gnub may be swimming with the fishes in Grizwald Pond before morning.

The rest of the contestants are mostly unchanged, though it was noted that both Jakemily Emiljaky and Ribbit are beginning to tilt, with Emiljaky's position upon his mushroom starting to look precarious.

Off in the woods to the west now of Grizwald Pond, we can still hear the calls of the Rescue Teams searching for Buzz Fly-boy. This effort has be going on for days, but is wanning as becomes evident that our AirForce Gnome is not to be found.

Our readers must note as the end for some of these upstanding (or lying) creatures nears: what appears to be cruel endings to innocent Gnomes and Garden Creatures is merely Mother Nature's whims and the call of the Great Game.

As the end of the game draws near, the crowds of spectators jostling for viewing position grows daily.

Gerald Putzny for Gnome Press International.