Jakemily Emiljaky? Yet another gnome with a secret, and more controversy.
Coming back from the Great Gnome-out's Gmedia Blackout, we find that some of the Gnomes haven't had their day in the media sun have been desperate to get their stories heard. One Gnome, Gnub, went to the point of writing his (rather unprofessional) own story and then posted it to the Internet.
Our next Gnome is more traditional than some of our contestants albeit the pointy nose that matches his pointy head er... hat. To the relief of our Gnomish interpreters, this Gnome speaks clear Garden Gnomish Standard Number 1. What wasn't entirely clear was why he choose (or was given) the name Jakemily Emiljaky. When asked, Jakemily simply replied in clear Standard #1: "Why not?"
Unlike the majority of the contestants, Jakemily came prepared food-wise for the event, carrying a bag of apples and his favorite lucky strawberry. Also unlike a number of our contestants, Jakemily has a full-time job that he is currently on hiatus from.
"Controlling the Zoomies and catching them again if they get away".
We are un-clear what "Zoomies" might be, but they are apparently dangerous and may be similar to Pixies. While pursing understanding of this comment, this reporter overhead another Gnome out on the ice mutter "Nuclear".
The controversy started immediately the next morning when it became apparent that Jakemily Emiljaky grew a very large mushroom under him as he sat on on the ice overnight.
As we have seen a couple times already now, this occurrence has thrown the Great Gnome-out Judges into a tizzy. Again the event rules were examined because, as the astute Gnome-out follower knows, per rule #4, the Gnomes and other Garden Entities have to stand directly on the ice: there can not be any interposing structure or item that might act as a flotation device.
When confronted by the Judges, Jakemily firmly stated that he was "one with the Shroom" and that he would never abandon his mushroom. Furthermore, the mushroom and he would "go down together if that's what it takes!" Examination of the mushroom proved it to be of solid stuff; indeed much like the Gnome himself. With these statements and the result of the examination, the Judges have ruled to allow the mushroom to stay, barring further evidence that it change into some sort of life-preserver.
Later, this reporter privately asked Jakemily Emiljaky how he grew this fungus overnight in the middle of of a pond covered in ice, and why. Jakemily declined to answer the first question, choosing to smile enigmatically and to throw a well chewed apple core at neighboring Gnome instead. To the second question, his response was as pointed as his head.. er... nose.
"My ass was cold sitting on the ice"
Gerald Putnzy for Gnome Press International.
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